Losing my sanity.

Almost 2 weeks have passed...

There's so much things running through my head.

Mainly family, work, relationship.

Family - My situation here is rather screwed up. Not as awesome as you thought it would be, seriously. I might have to work my ass off to get my own pocket money & all the shit. Fuck my life seriously, I shall not say much, too personal. It's just pretty fucked up.

Work - 6 more weeks to the end of internship, feeling very stressed (yes, that's working life i've got nothing to say seriously). I swear I wouldn't skip lesson or slack in class anymore. School is so much better, so you guys who are in school currently better appreciate what you have now!!! I can't wait to go back in semester 2, photoshop, illustrator & final cut pro wait for me <3 Oh & not forgetting my fav boys the cute, the handsome, the smart & the cool aka my fyp mates :))

Relationship - This one is also another fucked up one, although everything has ended. After this incident, I fear of being into a relationship. It's a damn scary thing, because you'll get emotional all the time, get paranoid every now & then, fearing that you will lose your bf/gf anytime & all these kind of shit. 

LIKE, WHY SUFFER? 

ISN'T LOVE SUPPOSED TO BE SWEET?

I dare to say that I've kinda destroyed that woman (which I can't be bothered now), but on the other hand, he destroyed me completely. Not physically, but mentally. Because of this, my mind-set now is somewhat screwed up, sometimes I even think that I'm having split-personalities or something. I start to lose my self-esteem, my morale, my confidence & everything just because I FEAR. I fear that history would repeat itself if we are together again, I fear my next relationship would end up in the same fucking way, I fear of this, I fear of that. Yes, I'm like living in fear and torturing myself every single day. Things that I shouldn't be doing are becoming my habits, because I'm too used to it now. No, I shall not say what are the things I did because it's not glam at all & I don't want people to judge me. 

I just think I'm starting to lose myself & I can't help it.

For now, I just want to be single with no strings attached to anyone. Play, flirt, do whatever I want to do, as long as it's legal. Wait till I've learned to trust a person, then I'll learn to love again. 


If not, I will die single.